Unmapped Escapades

When we crossed the border from Lithuania into Poland, our Lonely Planet guidebook suddenly became obsolete, and our knowledge base, our bible, is now Let’s Go Eastern Europe. It’s a book that’s designed to blow you through Eastern Europe at a pace of about one country every 2 days. It points out the partyingest hostels, the hippest clubs, the “backpacker-friendly” bars. Its reviews, suggestions, and recommendations for day trips are cheery soundbites that could have been written by the Bush administration. I don´t even know why we have this book.

It shouldn’t have - and didn’t - come as any surprise, then, that the book left out a wee bit of information about the hike it calls the “Valley of the of the Five Polish Tarns.” It says, “…this hike is perfect if you have time for only one trail.” The directions are even mostly accurate, though we brought a map just in case. The information that was left out by the writer or chopped by editors is that this is not a ‘hike’ as we define it in the US. At home, if I come across 4 other trekkers in 2 days, I feel like my remote wilderness experience has been spoiled. The silence has been shattered.

The Let’s Go mentioned a funicular to the top of a mountain in Zakopane. It did not mention that its recommended hiking trail up is the same trail for people who took the funicular to hike down. And every Pole in Poland took the funicular up yesterday. So, for us, the hike was like a trip to the mall with mom on the day after Thanksgiving, with the requisite screaming kids, preening middle-schoolers, cell-phone chatters, and elbows-splayed power walkers. There were even groups of nuns having fun and a girl with a cell-phone boom box hanging around her neck. “…Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you? Tell me how to win your heart, for I haven’t got a clueueue…” Ahhh. A little hit of Lionel in the wilderness.

The absurdity of the crowds was not nearly as annoying as it was in Krakow for a whole shmorgasbord of reasons. First, travelers who come to the Tatras to hike are completely different from backpackers who city hop to drink. Secondly, we found the most unbelievably good restaurant on our first night here, and we knew that reasonably-priced pork shashlik, kielbasa, fried potatoes, sauerkraut, salad, and beer were waiting for us. Finally, the scenery was spectacular, almost spectacular enough to allow us to forgive the person who thought it would be a good idea to shuttle people who can’t get their asses in shape past the 2 hours of straight uphill hiking that is usually required to access such beautiful ruggedness. That funicular should be reserved for the elderly, infirm, and the nuns.

I rode my bike all over town this morning because our handy-dandy guidebook has no information about getting from Zakopane over the border to Slovakia, even though it’s only about 10kms away. I looked at some discussion forums that make the crossing seem complicated - mini-bus to the border, get Slovak money, walk across, catch the bus to the nearest town. That’s BS. There are 2 buses a day to Poprad, Slovakia, stopping in Stary Smokovic and Tatranska Levoca along the way. It costs 10 bucks.

It’s 10:55. The bus leaves at 1:05. Still haven’t decided if we’re going to leave today or stay for another grilled pork fest this evening. We’ll see.

Oh, and here’s a picture of a duck.

More pictures here. Others coming soon, I hope.

- K and M